Random Thoughts

O weight loss how you torture me so. It seems as if every time I try to lose weight i start off really good and then something goes horribly wrong. Well, this time I am not going to give up. The past few days I've been allowing myself to cheat on my diet or whatever you call it, because I've been in so much pain, but I'm over it. I am signing up with Fitness Connection ASAP so that I can swim in the mornings or at lunch or after work or something and I will learn how to do more upper body stuff while I am in physical therapy.

o ya! Physical therapy! For all of you who may be curious, I had my appointment with my orthopedic surgeon yesterday. It was a lot of news, some good, some bad, some.. well neither really.

• Good News- not broken
• Good News- didn't harm my reconstructive surgery I'd had as a teen
• Good News- we know what is hurting - my subtailor joint (I can never remember the name and always say subterraneal lol so not a word or a joint.) 
• Bad News- We don't know what is wrong with it or why
• Good and Bad News- My ankle is unusually weak, it is possible that my subtailor joint has been taking a beating since my ankle is so weak. 
• Solution- Shot of cortisone and steroids with a freaking 3+ inch needle yesterday (more to come) 6 weeks of physical therapy to attempt to strengthen the ankle and then if that doesn't work and MRI. (keeping my fingers crossed about the physical therapy!)

So there you have it, my leg update. So now I am going to start going back to the gym (since i can't go back to Zumba :( ) and I am going to work as hard as I can.

I wonder if I am addicted to potato chips. I have not had a single potato chip today and feel like I am going through withdrawals or something. I mean I am not shaking or anything but I keep thinking about them and keep wanting to go to the store to buy them. I feel like I am trying to get sober. I keep telling myself that maybe I am an addict and I need to give them up... but then I think about the alternatives. I eat fruit, vegetables and meat, that's it, all day, except for potatoes and the occasionally trip to frozen yogurt. Everyone needs junk food, a comfort food, if I give up my potato chips (all natural so no corn anything) every alternative has about twice the amount of calories. French fries, gluten free cookies or candy. The crap they use to substitute for flour is so much worse for you than potatoes and salt in olive oil. O I wish I knew what to do. I don't like only having one junk food. Yesterday when I met with someone at Fitness Connection he congratulated me on my Celiac and corn allergy "You've already got your diet under control, that's half the battle" I asked him about my potato chip issue and he said everyone needs something... maybe he's right. Ugh, who knows, I hope he's right cause I don't think I can give them up lol.

I'm not on the track I wanted to be on with my weight loss but I am still doing pretty good. Hopefully now that I've gotten my eating under control and I am going to start Fitness Connection I can get back on track. I am 20 lbs from my goal now :) whoot!

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Long Lost Blogger

Hello from the long lost blogger. When I started this blog I wanted to write one everyday. I knew life wasn't necessarily that interesting but figured I could find something to write about.

Then, for lack of better words, all hell broke lose. So many things happened all at once I didn't know what to do. So many bad things happened I wanted to sink into a depression, lock myself in my house, cry, etc., but then there was the birth of beautiful Addison Dacus, the first snowfall, fun times with friends and a few dinners with family. It was so hard because things made me want to be happy but I had the bad things in my mind saying "How could you be happy right now?" I thought I was losing it and felt like I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Somebody asked me once how I handle being in a long distance relationship. I asked her if she wanted the supportive sister answer of the honest friend answer. Before she could reply I thought about what my answers would be

• Supportive Sister Answer: "I remind myself of all of the good times and why we're together. We also talk everyday even if just for a minute and we skype as often as possible."
• Honest Friend Answer: " I don't handle it. It hurts everyday. It gets easier with time but I still often cry myself to sleep and pray we could be together."

"Both answers were honest, just different kinds of honest" I thought to myself.

Then I thought about it more. "What does handling it mean? I mean, reminding myself of the good times, loving each other, talking, skyping, that's handling it right? Were still together and still apart, so I suppose that's considered handling it... Right?"

These thoughts spiked my curiosity and i looked it up. Now there were the definitions "to grip" "something added to an object for it to be held" etc. but for the sake of time I'll cut to the definitions I found relevant.

Handle (verb)

• to manage, deal with, or be responsible for: My wife handles the household accounts. This computer handles all our billing.
• to use or employ, especially in a particular manner; manipulate: to handle color expertly in painting.
• to manage, direct, train, or control: to handle troops.
• to deal with (a subject, theme, argument, etc.): The poem handled the problem of instinct versus intellect.

So, while life may be tough and while we still may not have the answer to things we are looking for, we need never discourage ourselves by believing we are faced with an obstacle we can't handle, because as long as we keep going, we are handling it.

(Now a lack of patience, something completely different =P I want answers to my questions now. Not next week, not next month, now. )

Wedding Planning - Stress Management Practice?

Wedding planning, wedding planning, how you stress me out.

Who knew wedding's could be so stressful? O wait, I did. Everyone has told me how stressful wedding planning could be but I though, "Meh, we're pretty simple people, it probably won't be that bad."

LIES!!!!!

Wedding Planner- Easy, Liane McCombs is and amazing wedding planner and used to be a Tri Delta, what more do you need? http://www.lianemccombs.com/


PicBox- Easy! Loved it!


Venue- Stressful! $17,000 at Zephyr for food, venue and "picnic ware" + a $250 fee for every vendor we didn't use on the preferred vendor list and a $2.50 cutting fee per person for the cake? I think NOT! Thank God for Embassy Suites and Lakeside Beach. http://www.embassytahoe.com/weddings/

Minister- Piece of cake! Venue suggested, he is amazing! Even figured out a way around our marriage license issues :) http://www.tahoe-wedding.com/Home.shtml


Photographer - STRESSFUL - Until I met the absolutely AH-MAY-ZING Stephanie and Nick Williams at Handlebar studios. I am so lucky to have found them. They seem amazing both as people and professionals and have gone out of their way to make me feel stress free. I can't wait till I am freaking out on my wedding day and my loving mother is talking to me calmly and my best friends are surrounding me trying to make sure everything is perfect and Stephanie is taking pictures and says something like "Dude, will you chill out!" I have to tell you I knew they were awesome but when we went to take our save the dates and Steven liked Nick and then Steven picked up a plastic warrior helmet from the prop box and said "This wouldn't protect anyone" and Stephanie looked at him with that 'are you crazy' look and said "Umm I'm pretty sure it isn't mean to" and everyone laughed...I knew that everything would be great! http://www.handlebarstudios.com/

• Even after we took our Save The Dates, Steven said he really liked them and that he could've kept taking photos. First time he has ever like a photographer besides my mom. He had fun, it made me so happy :)

Wedding Gown - David's Bridal... If you're looking for pretty dresses - you could go to David's if you are looking for good service and a great experience - RUN!!! Run far away. I'm sure people would disagree but I had the absolutely worst experience of my life there. Not of my wedding experiences, but worst of my life! Then mom convinced me to give a chance to the salon of a woman name Michelle Depoali. Mom said she had talked to Kendyl Depoali (she works at the school named after her) and she'd total her about Michelle and her salon Swoon. GOD SEND! Michelle and her girls are absolutely amazing :) http://www.swoonbridal.com/OurStory.aspx

Flowers - Stressful. Let you know more when I actually end up figuring them out. Thank God my Aunt Pandy is making half of my centerpieces. I am so lucky to have her!

Invitations- SO MANY INVITATIONS!!!!!

The Rest of The Wedding- Have yet to plan =P

I guess the moral of the story. Experiences may try to knock you down, some may even run you over, but with love and determination you dust yourself off and get back out there.. Who knows, what you find may be greater than what you lost. :)

Lessons

What I learned today,

• Waiting for one of your lifelong and best friends to give birth to a baby girl everyone can't wait to meet.... Makes one nervous.
• Using your abs and legs to make your hips shake makes you super sore
• Do not forget a hair tie when planning on doing Zumba (or any cardio i assume) for a long period of time. 
• Ask a coworker for something she was supposed to do months ago... "soon" ask her in front of your boss "done"! whoot
• Still makes me smile when someone from the past remembers me. I love looking at a person and remembering all the good times. I love looking at a person, sharing a smile and knowing while you may never have the same relationship again, or one at all for that matter, you will always have the past, you will always have the memories, you will always have that smile. Maybe you used to be enemies... but that smile, it says "I forgive you", it says "I hope you are happy", it says everything. 
• Chicken on a miniature George Forman  - difficult 
• Looney toons - still funny
• I have the best, most supportive friends and family
• I am not as weak as I thought :) Probably the most important lesson of the day

Had a great day at work today. I feel totally accomplished. For SO MANY reasons haha. At lunch however I went to the dentist. OMG it took forever. While I was waiting for the dentist I over heard one of the hygienists talking about how she found a gorgeous wedding gown but refused to pay $700 for something she'd only wear once. I was so curious because, heck, I know people who paid more than that for a prom dress. I was wondering if it could be because of money but listening to her talk about vacations I'm gonna think not. Then I heard her say how she was so simple but her fiance is freaking out planning everything... Lol I definitely think there's a little role reversal. I thought it was very interesting. I wonder what it would be like to be someone who wants to rent their wedding gown. I know there are people that have to, but to want to. Perhaps she's a tomboy, or just one of those girls who never dreamt of a prince charming and a big white wedding.
Unfortunately I am not one of those people. However, I have to admit, I'm not to torn up about that because our wedding is going to be one hell of a party. I am so excited to marry the man of my dreams. I can't wait to get all dolled up and see the look on his face when he sees me for the first time in a breathtaking white gown. I hope he'll think I'm breathtaking. I've always dreamt of being the girl that walks into the room and everyone stares. But honestly, as long as he's jaw drops or he's eyes tear up or something.. I will feel like a million dollars.

Thinking about my weight loss goal I've started thinking, "what if I do reach it? What do I do then?" and "When I do reach my goal, what will he think?" May 25th I will see Steven for the first time since December 26, 2011. There are 20 weeks between now and then which would be 40 lbs. I would weigh 148.4 lbs. That will be 23 pounds less than I have weighed EVER, in my entire life. Can i even get that small?? What will he think? Will he think I'm pretty, will I think I'm pretty? With my bone size will I look too thin. So many questions... I can't wait till I start seeing improvements in my body. I can't wait to see who I turn out to be. 

I am so excited. 

Stalker With A Dog Toenail Fetish?

Back to work another day :) I love my job but I could not bring myself to get out of bed today and when I finally did... I could not keep my eyes open all day. I really wanted to drink coffee or 5-hour energy but I tend to get a little loopy after haha.

Today I finally found a new e-newsletter layout, sent out an affinity partners email and scheduled another one. I had a few meetings, one in person and a few over the phone, with radio station managers to place our radio ad. Radio ads are a lot more expensive than I thought they were.

I also found out that we are all getting new computers! Thank God! My speakers are broken and my email doesn't work and my computer is super slow.. I'm so freaking stoked!

The highlight of the day though had to be when I received a package from a gentleman who wrote a book for CPAs. The book came in a package that was almost destroyed by the time it got to me and the papers were wrinkled. When I went to show my coworker how bad the package was some fell out of it on to her desk. Everyone was super freaked! We are 98% sure that it is a dog toenail! One of my coworkers and I took it around to the others (one kept running away Bahahahahah) and we ruled out pasta, dried garlic, human nail and a few other things. After googling dog toenails we decided that's what it must be. I am not sure why we found it so interesting but it was epic! We laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. I joked about having a stalked with a foot fetish and now my boss jokes about wanting to see what other kind of things I receive.

I didn't do very well on my diet today :( I am kind of disappointed in myself but I am not going to let it get me down. I went to Zumba today with Melyssa and Sarah, it was a ton of fun. I totally learned my lesson too! Stress eat junk food during the day = Feel like crap during/after zumba. Now I am exhausted and my stomach hurts haha. Progress??

I am looking forward to Zumba tomorrow and thursday. :) It makes me happy that I've finally found something I look forward to.I really want to go wednesday too but Wednesday is Zumba with weights.. haha I'm not quiet sure if I am ready for that after only four days of Zumba. We'll see how sore I am Wednesday, we did a lot of squats and stuff today.

Off to bed :)

Voice In My Head

I love hearing his voice it makes me happy and sad and excited and nervous and so many things all at once.

Right now though his voice is ringing in my head. He called today. We talked for a while then he called his parents. Then he called me to say bye. When my phone rang again I was confused.

"Hello?", I asked, "I thought you had to go"
He took a breath and said "I do, I just really wanted to hear your voice one more time"


Makes my heart flutter. God I love him :)

Blog O Blog How I Underestimated You

It is only 12:30 on Sunday and I already feel like I have so much to write about!!!

My blog... way different responses than I anticipated. As many of you may have noticed, my last blog changed a little bit. I am thinking about starting an anonymous blog somewhere so I can have my complaining blogs but for the sake of my job and my future... I will attempt to refrain from complaining on here.

So for a run-down of my weekend

Friday:

• While writing my blog the future daddy-in-law called and I ended up going to dinner with him and a friend. 
• Next I picked up Gabriele, my future mother-in-law, at the airport and we went to my house to close all my windows so my fish wouldn't freeze (apartment refinished the bath tup 80 ). I went into the laundry room to close the windows.... HUGE!!! spider! o my gosh we screamed and hid in the living room plotting our attack. I won't take you through the whole ordeal but... 
• 1/4 of a can of hair spray + 1/2 bottle of windex + a running shoe = that sucker is dead!
• We left the house and went to my parents, where we were planning to stay and I did all of the first time introductions... It went really well :) then it was off to bed.

Saturday

• 7 am Weigh in - I lost 1.6 lbs. Whoot!!! stoked! 
• 9:30 am Swoon Bridal Saloon- Progress ;)
• 12:00 p.m. Meeting with the wedding coordinator in Lake Tahoe at the Embassy Suites - More Progress
• 5 p.m. Dinner with my parents, Steven's parents and my grandparents. 
• 6 p.m. rehearsal Dinner planning. 

Sunday

• Took Gaby to the airport :( 
• Fell back asleep until 9 
• Wedding List Finalization 
• Bridesmaid Gift Ordering

Overall... I think it was a pretty productive weekend. Hopefully I will get to go to Fro-yo later with miss Amanda Alling. I can't wait until next Saturday. This past week i started my diet and new years resolutions on Tuesday. This week I have been pretty good on the diet all weekend and I get to go to my Zumba class Monday- Thursday maybe Saturday or Sunday if I am not too tired.
I'm not sure I've told many people why I think this time is different but perhaps I should. I've tried to lose weight before but I could never stick with it. Finding a studio completely dedicated to Zumba means I don't have to try and fit working out into my schedule.. The studio offers so many times, that it would almost be impossible for me not to find time to go. Also, the most important thing, Steven has always said that he believes in me and that I can do this. He's said he believes if I find the right plan I can stick to it... The last time we said goodbye we were hugging and he said goodbye and that he couldn't wait to see me...Then he kissed my forehead and said he couldn't wait to see the new me. For some reason, that, right there, changed everything.