Revelation

What a day!

Today was definitely one for the books. On Monday I was worried that I was not a real necessity at my company. Some weeks I have a life time supply of work to do but a good majority of the time I haven't been busy with much.
Well, here comes the new year. Welcoming in the new year I am creating a new rate card, setting up a new 6 week radio project, creating a biweekly e-newsletter, maintaining our new website, creating ads for local publications, planning events that will happen later in the year, and also I have been made the main contact for our companies affinity partners, What I am noticing now is that my job is extremely important, I just joined the company at a time when my job was not as needed. Early I described myself as feeling like a little girl in a big kids world but now.. now I am starting to feel like I actually belong here.

I always thought that after college I would face this great change. I would become an "adult". I have graduated college, landed an 8-5, salary job and I am planning my wedding to the man of my dreams who I have been with for 4.5 years. How much more grown-up can I get. right? This is what I realized today. I am in the real world; it's here; it's now; and I'm a grown-up. As scary as that might sound, I'm ready for it because it doesn't mean that I need to be someone different. I just need to be me. I finally get that.

Another revelation I had was the meaning of "In order to love others, you must first love yourself." I have always known why people say that but I have never understood it. Until today. Today I realized that I have spent years liking myself. When I was growing up I was desperately trying to be someone; to be important; to be need; to be. My friends all fit into categories

• friends with problems i thought i could fix
• boys who thought i was the cutest, smartest thing on the planet (even if they weren't)
• friends who needed something
• friends who's life's were extraordinarily different than mine.

I used to drop friends like hot potatoes, never keeping a friend for more than a couple of years. Recently I've noticed that I've been more true to myself, i speak my mind, I'm honest with my friends... and I am subconsciously turning my life around. There has one thing that has always been not good enough for me though. My body. Even when I was thin I was told and believed that I was fat. 

That changes now. 

I have found a type of exercise that is fun for me and that I look forward to everyday and I am doing relatively well at watching what I eat. If I stay on this track and lose 2 pounds a week I can lose 36 pounds. I will be seeing my fiance for the first time in 2012 on May 27th and if I can keep the weight loss steady I can lose 40 pounds. 

To encourage myself to lose weight I am, for the first time in my life, going to admit how much I weigh. Last Saturday I weighed in at Weight Watchers as I do every Saturday and I weighed 190.2 pounds. My goal is to weigh 155 pounds by Saturday May 12th. That will be the Saturday after my birthday. I would like to set a goal of 150 pounds by Saturday May 19th but before I do that I want to see how my body does. 

• According to your height of 5' 8" your ideal healthy weight is 147 pounds. Your recommended weight range is between 131 and 164 pounds.
• http://www.healthstatus.com/cgi-bin/calc/calculator.cgi
• 146-167
• http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm
• http://www.healthdiscovery.net/links/calculators/ideal_bw_women.htm

I know these are not an exact science but based on these and the fact that the smallest I have ever been (when competing on two swim teams and training on a ski team) was 158, I think that 155 would be a great weight for me. As long as I get back to my size 8 dress.

Hopefully I show some progress this weekend at weigh in :)