Random Thoughts

O weight loss how you torture me so. It seems as if every time I try to lose weight i start off really good and then something goes horribly wrong. Well, this time I am not going to give up. The past few days I've been allowing myself to cheat on my diet or whatever you call it, because I've been in so much pain, but I'm over it. I am signing up with Fitness Connection ASAP so that I can swim in the mornings or at lunch or after work or something and I will learn how to do more upper body stuff while I am in physical therapy.

o ya! Physical therapy! For all of you who may be curious, I had my appointment with my orthopedic surgeon yesterday. It was a lot of news, some good, some bad, some.. well neither really.

• Good News- not broken
• Good News- didn't harm my reconstructive surgery I'd had as a teen
• Good News- we know what is hurting - my subtailor joint (I can never remember the name and always say subterraneal lol so not a word or a joint.) 
• Bad News- We don't know what is wrong with it or why
• Good and Bad News- My ankle is unusually weak, it is possible that my subtailor joint has been taking a beating since my ankle is so weak. 
• Solution- Shot of cortisone and steroids with a freaking 3+ inch needle yesterday (more to come) 6 weeks of physical therapy to attempt to strengthen the ankle and then if that doesn't work and MRI. (keeping my fingers crossed about the physical therapy!)

So there you have it, my leg update. So now I am going to start going back to the gym (since i can't go back to Zumba :( ) and I am going to work as hard as I can.

I wonder if I am addicted to potato chips. I have not had a single potato chip today and feel like I am going through withdrawals or something. I mean I am not shaking or anything but I keep thinking about them and keep wanting to go to the store to buy them. I feel like I am trying to get sober. I keep telling myself that maybe I am an addict and I need to give them up... but then I think about the alternatives. I eat fruit, vegetables and meat, that's it, all day, except for potatoes and the occasionally trip to frozen yogurt. Everyone needs junk food, a comfort food, if I give up my potato chips (all natural so no corn anything) every alternative has about twice the amount of calories. French fries, gluten free cookies or candy. The crap they use to substitute for flour is so much worse for you than potatoes and salt in olive oil. O I wish I knew what to do. I don't like only having one junk food. Yesterday when I met with someone at Fitness Connection he congratulated me on my Celiac and corn allergy "You've already got your diet under control, that's half the battle" I asked him about my potato chip issue and he said everyone needs something... maybe he's right. Ugh, who knows, I hope he's right cause I don't think I can give them up lol.

I'm not on the track I wanted to be on with my weight loss but I am still doing pretty good. Hopefully now that I've gotten my eating under control and I am going to start Fitness Connection I can get back on track. I am 20 lbs from my goal now :) whoot!

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Long Lost Blogger

Hello from the long lost blogger. When I started this blog I wanted to write one everyday. I knew life wasn't necessarily that interesting but figured I could find something to write about.

Then, for lack of better words, all hell broke lose. So many things happened all at once I didn't know what to do. So many bad things happened I wanted to sink into a depression, lock myself in my house, cry, etc., but then there was the birth of beautiful Addison Dacus, the first snowfall, fun times with friends and a few dinners with family. It was so hard because things made me want to be happy but I had the bad things in my mind saying "How could you be happy right now?" I thought I was losing it and felt like I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Somebody asked me once how I handle being in a long distance relationship. I asked her if she wanted the supportive sister answer of the honest friend answer. Before she could reply I thought about what my answers would be

• Supportive Sister Answer: "I remind myself of all of the good times and why we're together. We also talk everyday even if just for a minute and we skype as often as possible."
• Honest Friend Answer: " I don't handle it. It hurts everyday. It gets easier with time but I still often cry myself to sleep and pray we could be together."

"Both answers were honest, just different kinds of honest" I thought to myself.

Then I thought about it more. "What does handling it mean? I mean, reminding myself of the good times, loving each other, talking, skyping, that's handling it right? Were still together and still apart, so I suppose that's considered handling it... Right?"

These thoughts spiked my curiosity and i looked it up. Now there were the definitions "to grip" "something added to an object for it to be held" etc. but for the sake of time I'll cut to the definitions I found relevant.

Handle (verb)

• to manage, deal with, or be responsible for: My wife handles the household accounts. This computer handles all our billing.
• to use or employ, especially in a particular manner; manipulate: to handle color expertly in painting.
• to manage, direct, train, or control: to handle troops.
• to deal with (a subject, theme, argument, etc.): The poem handled the problem of instinct versus intellect.

So, while life may be tough and while we still may not have the answer to things we are looking for, we need never discourage ourselves by believing we are faced with an obstacle we can't handle, because as long as we keep going, we are handling it.

(Now a lack of patience, something completely different =P I want answers to my questions now. Not next week, not next month, now. )